Tears are running down my cheeks. The oncologist is saying I need an ultrasound with a biopsy. If they can’t find the lump with that procedure, they’ll do another MRI.
I’ve had four tests since March, and now I’ve got more to do. Plus wait again for the results.
I write about strong women, and I’m an independent gal who can handle my share of hardships. But those past two weeks, I was terrified.
Here’s what I really learned:
Waiting is Hard. I’m a planner. This year I’m doing a fun part-time gig in San Francisco and completing a novel. You can’t work productively when you’re doing chemotherapy. A friend said, “You’ve not been diagnosed. Therefore you don’t have cancer.” When I started to panic, I thought of his words.
You Don’t Control Your Illnesses. There’s a New Age theory that suggests we’re all responsible for our illnesses. This kind of thinking drives me crazy. Still, when I wondered whether I should have eaten more vegetables and fruit, the oncologist said, “I don’t want you blaming yourself.” Wondering about that wouldn’t have helped.
Kindness Matters. A friend offered to go to hospital with me time and time again. People on Facebook wished me well, and when I posted that everything was benign, they left wonderful comments. A friend in Italy enjoying her vacation took time to text me and say, “I wish I could be there for you.” These acts–and many, many others–meant so much to me.
I learned a lesson about trusting others. You don’t have to cope alone. Other people can help you get through hardship.